Homosexuality epidemic

There seems to be a homosexuality epidemic ravaging the Republican Party. it is a particularly virulent strain that has brought down Republican ministers such as Ted Haggard as well.

What is the source of this tragedy? Larry Craig, Republican senator from Idaho and latest victim of the outbreak, blames the media. Democrats lack the imagination to do it. That leaves Bin Laden, God, the French, Dick Cheney and the 2001 anthrax perpetrator as the most likely culprits.

Until we identify and control the source of the epidemic, we need to take precautions to protect our male children. We need laws requiring all Republicans to warn all neighbors within a five block area that there is a Republican living in the neighborhood. Also, all public mens' restrooms must have lights flashing and sirens sounding anytime a Republican is using the facility. Public parks must have signs warning that Republicans could be roaming the parks.

These precautions will not protect all innocent victims, but they will provide some security until an antidote is found--by the private sector, of course.